Midnight Musings - One True Desire

I still have a lot of questions. But it all boils down to just this. I`m a conscious being and what would be the one thing I truly desire. That's all that matters. Someone may ask me, Why only one desire? Because I am driven by desire. And it's hard to quench my thirst for any desire absolutely. I pretend to be satisfied. But in the deepest corners of my heart, when I try to find the answer, I don't know if I am!. I may be convincing myself and others around me that I am!. So then comes the question, Can I be ever truly satisfied with what I have?. And why there is a need to be?

That's an interesting question!. To understand, Let me get into discussing more ideas of desire in my words. Desire can be compared to being in quicksand. When you give in to the quicksand, you will slowly engulf yourself in it. This is what is happening within me, I hold no control over my desires, but when I don't fight them, I slowly sink in. But, let us say, I want to get out of it. The more I struggle to escape it, the faster I sink. Such is the nature of desire. The only way to escape it is to hold onto something and help myself out of it. But the nature of the mind is such that, even after successfully getting out, I will be tempted to jump back into it. I sink, I die, I come back, I sink again, I come back again, and maybe this time I try to get out but I jump in back again. If such is life, sinking in endlessly and giving in endlessly, trying multiple times but eventually giving in, then it is indeed absolute suffering. Someone may say if nature is designed like that, why not give in ?. Well, just for a moment assume, that nature is designed in such a way. But what if you are meant to break free from it? What would happen if you break free from the control of desire ?. Leave about what is actual truth for a moment, which we do not know anyway!. Just what will happen if you were to break free from it. At least I think I will be finally truly satisfied with what I have. But I cannot escape desire altogether. Freeing myself from all other desires must be my only desire.

Desire, It's either consistent & focused or inconsistent & distracted. Having multiple desires and lacking the ability to let go is the reason for rebirth. At least that is what I think. And rebirth is suffering in itself. But it is also a chance. A chance to escape this cycle of birth and death. And having one true desire to escape this cycle is all that matters.

I could have been born as an insect or any other organism other than a human. And I could have died a million times even before comprehending anything significant other than the instincts of that organism.

But that did not happen. And if I think about it, when someone has taken birth as a human, they are given a chance by nature to be free from the cycle of rebirth. Otherwise, I would have been born and died countless times without ever getting a chance.

While writing this, I was just thinking. But can I say that I`m the one thinking? It is my mind that is thinking?. I`m I my mind ?. If there is a baby born without all five senses, then it would not have a mind of its own, because there is nothing to perceive or sense. And it also would not identify as a body. What is even it?. When it is not body or mind ?. What is it?. What am I?.

What is my body made up of ?. Annam (Food). Without it, there is no body. And it reminds me of my eternal mother Mata Annapoorna Devi. I remember sitting down at one of the family functions to eat. What was I eating?. Annam. My body is made up of Annam. If my body represents Annapoorna Devi, Then when I`m holding a chunk of rice in my hand is it me or Annapoorna Devi feeding me?. Who is eating?. Me or the Ishwara?. Human life is indeed gracious, giving me an ability to ponder over all of these questions.